Honestly, I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. About my life. About every single thing that happened recently.
And it got me thinking - What do I need to do in order to make my life better? I shed so many tears this year. Well most of it was because of some random things. Okay, I lied. Random is not the word. But stupid. Yes I cried for stupid things. My insecurities kills me. Deep cut - Hell yes.
And after I spent days talking to my loved ones, they've inspired me and I know what I need to do. Yes, not to mention, my special one has changed myself to be someone better. Alhamdulillah.
Well, I've made a list of things that I need to do. Just having thoughts that it would be great if I share it with all of you :)
- First of all, I need to stop spending time with the wrong people – Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of me. If someone wants me in their life, they’ll make room for me. I shouldn't have to fight for a spot. Right? Guys, remember this; never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth. And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends :)
- Second, stop lying to yourself – I can lie to anyone else in the world, but I can’t lie to my own self. Our lives improve only when we take chances, and the first and most difficult chance we can take is to be honest with ourselves. So I shall stop lying to myself starting now!
- Third, stop putting your own needs on the back burner – "The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too." Yes, help others; but I need to help myself too. If there was ever a moment to follow my passion and do something that matters to me, that moment is now. Yes. Now!
- Forth, stop trying to be someone you're not. – One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you like everyone else. Someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger, but they will never be you. Don’t change so people will like you. Be yourself and the right people will love the real you. Insyaallah.
- Fifth, stop being scared to make a mistake – Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing. Yes Shikin, every success has a trail of failures behind it, and every failure is leading towards success. I may end up regretting the things I did NOT do far more than the things I did. This, this this! I have to change.
- Six, I need to stop berating yourself for old mistakes – I may love the wrong person and cry about the wrong things, but no matter how things go wrong, one thing is for sure, mistakes help us find the person and things that are right for us.
- Seven, stop trying to buy happiness – Many of the things we desire are expensive. But the truth is, the things that really satisfy us are totally free – love, laughter and working on our passions.
- Eight, stop being jealous of others – Low self-esteem. Yeap, that's me. I guess I just need to start asking myself: “What’s something I have that everyone wants?” - I need to work out on my confidence!
- Nine, I gotta stop letting others bring you down to their level – I have to refuse to lower my standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs. Go Shikin gooooooooo!
- Okay, this one, I NEED TO STOP DOING IT! Ten, Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t – *Sobbing. I know it’s okay to fall apart for a little while. And I don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well. And I shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either. Emph. Stop. Stop. STOP!
- Eleven, stop trying to be everything to everyone – My biggest mistake that I ever done, and still doing it, is trying to be everything to everyone. I don't know why I bother much to please people that I love. Why oh why.
- Twelve, stop worrying so much – Insecure insecure! Argh, I worry so much about every single thing! Once someone said to me "worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy. One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “Will this matter in one year’s time? Three years? Five years?” If not, then it’s not worth worrying about". Sigh, I guess its easier to say than to get it done. But Insyaallah, I'll work on this, too.
- And last but not least, I have to stop being ungrateful – No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life. Someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs. Instead of thinking about what I'm missing, I need to think about what I have that everyone else is missing. Alhamdulillah for everything I have. Thank you, Allah.
Fuhh, 2012 is a lot of work for me to do! I neeeeeed to changeeeeeeeeeee! I want to be better. Yes, I want to be better. Ya Allah, please guide me.
2012, please be worth it. Pleaseeeeeeee. Oh pleaseeeeeeee.
* Sometimes Allah doesn’t change your situation because He wants to change your heart :')