Wednesday, October 5, 2011


Yeah, that's me.

Insecure - The best word that could describe me. If you ask me to describe myself in one word, insecure would be the perfect word for me.

I dont know why I always feel this way. I'm pretty much insecure about every single thing. But mostly, lovelife strikes me the most. I always feel like someone out there is much better than me (Well we do know that's true) and the fact that they could steal away my loved ones scares me.

I dont want to get stuck with this feeling in my heart forever. Even when I see someone's looking at me, it'll make me feel insecure. I feel like they are judging me from far. And I don't feel good about it. And I will start to think and think and think. You know what? My thoughts scares the hell out of me. It could eat me alive.

X : Are you jealous?

Me : No.

X : Seriously? Not at all?

Me : Hmm okay, 20% yes, I am.

X : What about another 80%?

Me : Insecure.

X : Insecure? Of what?

Me : *Silence.

Gahhh. I feel like screaming when he asked me why. The real reason why I feel insecure is because I feel like she could take him away from me. Sounds pathetic? Well, I don't give a damn. I am pathetic, thank you. But I'm not scared to tell people what I feel inside. Well, I mean not directly say to their face, I mean, I will blog about it. Like.. now :)

Shit, I don't like this feeling. She's way better than me. She can cook, she's skinnier, prettier, too fair to compare with my skin, and yeah, she's cute ya know? I feel like she could take him away from me in a blink and I will lost everything that I ever wanted in my life.

This is not cool. So not cool. I need to chill and relax. *Happy thoughts happy thoughts*

Me : I can sense that she likes you. And its true right?

X : I guess so. But you read those msgs that I sent to her right? The way I replied shows that I'm not interested.

Me : *Silence.

X : I wont fall for her. I never have that in mind since the day I met her.

Me : Well that's what you planned, but you will never know what might happen in the future. You might like her.

X : Insyaallah, it wont happen :)

I'm trying not to overthink about it. And yes, I managed to be matured enough and act cool and don't act like other girls who will scream or yell and cry and start making wild assumptions about it tho' in my heart I feel like screaming. Because what I learned from my past, there's no way you could solve your problems with screaming to each other and act like a dumbass.

Its better to just sit and have a slow chitchat and go through it together. That's more like an adult :) And it amazed me how he could detect that there's something wrong with me. I guess he knows me too well :)

But still, I'm still insecure and I hate this feeling. Go away please T_________T

Ya Allah keep me away from all innovations and keep me guided to the straight path. Amin.

* Please make me feel secure. Just for this time.

0 Heart(s) Screaming.:


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