Monday, January 2, 2012

Listen To My Hidden Thoughts.

Assalamualaikum guys :') Happy Monday.

*Another emo post, another emo post ~*

Have you ever cry because you miss someone even though you just met them a few mins ago? I have. In fact, I just did. I was in the middle of driving and I could feel my tears dropped. Luckily I was wearing sun glasses, nobody was looking at me when I stopped at the traffic light.

I don't even know the reason why I cried just now. Even though it was only a few drops. I'm not a cry baby. I don't simply cry everytime things go differently from what I expect/hope it to be. Maybe because I was over thinking just now, or maybe I just miss someone so much. All of sudden, all the memories were playing in my mind like it was a movie. Those happy moments, happy laughs, those cute fightings that ended up me winning, just because he knew how badly I want to win.

I could feel he's changing, a bit. Nah, I mean, slightly. Maybe it's for our own best, maybe. But it will take a lot of time for me to adapt with that. I wanted to tell him that I miss him, but .. Have you ever feel like you're just gonna make yourself look pathetic and make a fool of yourself if you say something to someone because you're afraid that the person might not feel the same way? Well, yeah. That's what I felt. And that's what stopping me from telling him how bad I misses him.

Every night I stay up past 12, past 1, etc. Not because I'm tired. Not because I want to tweak on these social networking sites. I'm tired, I want to sleep. But I can't because my mind runs like crazy. It over thinks, over analyzes things that I don't want to think about. So I purposely keep myself awake and tire myself out so that when I do finally lie in bed, I fall asleep and my thoughts don't keep me awake.

The past has taught me that everything you love, will not always be around. Everything will dissapear, people leaves, eventually. But I really hope, and I pray to Allah, that just for this one time, please please make it last. Please make it forever, please make it til' I exhale my last breath before I close my eyes forever. Please please.

Ya Allah, You have given me the strength to stand and to swallow everything in front me. And You have sent many people to help me to go through this world. Alhamdulillah. And I'd learn a lot of things from this journey of my life, and I know I have made a lot of mistakes and sins. But Ya Allah, just for this time, please make it last. I really hope this is the last, I want to live happily in this world, and there, Jannah with Your blessings. He isn't the best person that I ever met. He did not give me the best treatment that I supposedly deserve, he did nothing when he knew he breaks my heart with his actions. But he taught me to be a better person without any force, and that's what make him the GREATEST among everyone that I've ever known. And I could not risk to lose him. But if Your plans prove otherwise, I pray so that You will give me the best strength that You have never been given to anyone, to help me to forget him. You know what is best for me Ya Allah.

I have never said anything about this to anyone, including in my blog. But nothing can stay hidden forever, kan? Maybe this is the perfect time for me to finally let it go. Maybe my heart couldn't hold it any longer :')

Missing someone isn't about how long it has been since you last seen them or the amount of time you've talked.
It's about that very moment when you find yourself doing something,
and wishing they were right there by your side.

My heart aches. But who cares? After all I'm just gonna act like nothing's wrong and smile like I'm the happiest girl on earth! In fact, I have my best friends around, they are the best medicine. Teheeeee hehehe :'D

* Sometimes I hate you for what you did to me. But most of the time I just miss you, because hating you never sat well with me.

1 Heart(s) Screaming.:

Anonymous said...

I can feel you. I'm missing him too and feeling all the same


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