Al-Fatihah.

Assalamualaikum.


MasyaAllah! It has been almost one year since the last time I wrote. I am so sorry, there's a lot of stuff happening and I've been so freaking busy and and .. I forgot about this blog :'(


How are you guys been doing? I bet a lot of people does not bother to read my entries anymore, tsk tsk. Well, it is my own fault though! I hope you are doing fantastic people.

Herm. How do I start with this entry? It's awkward cause I used to write but not anymore and now I am trying to write back. I love writing. I should continue doing what I love, shouldn't I? Please bear with me as I am still trying to work this things off. Huuuuu.

Bismillah.

For those who are close to me, y'all know that recently I've lost my dad. He passed away on February 24th, 2014. That was my biggest loss in my entire life. I was the closest one to him. Losing him was not easy. I fell, to be honest. Took me months for me to stood up back. To be frank, I am still not over it. But I know, I gotta let him go. He is in a better place right now.

How did that happen? Well, grab a chair and keep reading this entry. Let see whether am I able to write this entry without tears rolling down on my face or not :'P

That morning, after finished perform my Subuh prayer -- as per normal I got ready to go to work. While adjusting my hijab, I saw my dad sitting on the sofa checking on his phone. Ah, I forgot. He had some meetings to attend that morning so that's why he changed his shift from night to morning.

Me : Bah nak pergi dah ke?

Bah : Ya, I am waiting for my taxi. Kin?

Me : Kin kejap lagi. 6.15 macam tu.

Bah : Oh okay.

Seconds after that I saw my dad walking towards our balcony and grab his shoes.

Me : Eh Bah, awalnya? Tadi kata tunggu taxi? Kan lambat lagi taxi nak sampai?

Bah : Takpa lah, bah can wait. Boleh borak dengan Abang Man (Abang Man was our guard back then)

Me : La awalnya. Apa lah Bah ni, tunggu lah kat rumah. - While walking towards him, I mumbled. 

Bah : *Giggles* Takpa takpa. Kejap ja pun.

After I kissed his hands, I went back inside and continue doing what I was doing just now. And before he left, his last words to me was "Take care, Assalamualaikum". I didn't know that was the last time I am gonna see him .. :'(

That morning when I was in the office, I felt one kind. I told someone I don't feel good. I've never felt this way before. As normal, people will say "Nah, that was just your feelings. Everything is fine". Turned out this time, It was not.

That evening, I fell asleep ( this is not normal. I don't sleep at evenings ) and the next thing I heard was my mom knocking on my door asking me to wake up. And I heard my sister was screaming at the back "Kin, bah collapsed!" I was still in a blurry + sleepy state but I know that was real. I woke up and straight away took my bath. I cried. I know something is not right today. I cried and cried. Mom asked me to stop crying. She said it's not good for me to cry as we still don't know what is going to happen. Deep inside, I know I've lost him.

7+ we went to GH. My sister and I were crying in the car, trying to control our emotions but we both know we can't. We reached the hospital somewhere around 7.40pm. There he was, I saw my father lying on the bed - helpless. The nurses and doctor did try their best to save him, but Allah knows what is best for him. Indeed. He left peacefully. Everything went smooth for arwah. Alhamdulillah :)

Not only my dad, I lost so many people in my life this year. Before my dad, it was my grandfather who left the world first. And now, recently, I've lost someone else. It is to be honest, the most painful year for me to swallow. But Allah is The Best Planner of all. I trust in Him.

You-know-who-you-are, you used to say you will never leave me. You promised me. But surprisingly, you did. You left me and I hope you will be fine, my friend. Thank you for always been there for me. You're the greatest gift I've ever had - after my family of course. And boo to myself. I actually thought you cared :)

So peeps, this is just 20% of what happened to me for the past 11 months. There's ups and down, but more to down I guess. But Alhamdulillah, I have people around to give me support. I hope while reading this entry you could spend a minute or two to sadakah Al-Fatihah for my late father and grandfather. And not to forget, Al-Fatihah to my heart for having such heavy pain to bear with.

Don't worry. I am strong. As long as I have Allah in my life, I'm pretty sure that I can survive this road! We aim for Jannah, so whatever happens in this horrible dunya, just bear with it. Trust in Him, and you will be fine :)

Al-Fatihah, dearie heart. I am proud of how strong you are :)

Pops, I miss you so much. You're the most priceless thing I've ever had. I know you are happy now. I know you are proud of your youngest daughter and how tough she is facing all this pain alone, right? If only I could buy a golden ticket to pay you a visit each time I miss your kisses and your smiles, oh I wish. Only God knows how much I need you right now. Rest in peace pops. See you real soon :)

His birthday was actually on 19/03 - Did not managed to celebrate this year.

Love you pops.

Appreciate your loved ones before it's too late. Grab all the moments that you can share with them. You never know when is the last time you will see a person. Cherish every moment. Put down your ego and just appreciate everyone. It does not cost a thing.

And I promise you, I will start writing back! Hikhik :D

* I actually managed to write this entry without shed any tears. So yay to myself! Al-fatihah.

You Are Worth It.

Assalamualaikum.


Have you ever had those days where you just stay in your room for hours, thinking back all the things that hurt you deeply -- to the point where you ask yourself "What have I done? Why are they treating me like this? What did I do wrong? Am I not worth it? Does anyone really love me?" and the list goes on.


It's getting harder when the one who hurts you is the people that you love the most. You would do anything for them but they don't even care about you. I know. I know that feeling. No matter how much love you have around you, this day will come to you -- you will lock yourself in a room and cry for hours. 


You tried so hard to fake a smile but day by day, it gets harder to fake it. And soon, the smile disappeared. And people keep asking you what's wrong, but you know deep inside they don't care. They just wanna know for the sake of "knowing". How can people expect you to smile when all they do is making you cry? Yeah, even I don't have answers for that.


I know its hard for you to deal with it. People will stab you in your back and then ask why you’re bleeding. You're at your lowest and no one seem to care to hold your hand and help you to go through it. But believe me when I say this. I have been through this situation recently and I survived. Don't give up. I know you feel like killing yourself. Don't. I'm here for you. God is always there for you. You live not to please anyone, anyway.

You know HE's always there for you, right? Despite all your sins and faults, you know HE wont leave you, right? Breathe in breathe out, think. Think wisely. You know you don't need these people to help you to survive. You just need yourself and HIM; God. You just gotta pick yourself up and keep on going, you know? You'll die alone. So try to do more deeds and pray more. YOU WILL BE FINE. Trust me! I survived, remember?

Anyway, there are three things I want you and me to learn how to say. Please read it carefully. 

One.

“I love you”

And don’t just say it as an empty phrase, say it with feeling, say it to every person who comes to mind when you think of those three little words. I know it’s scary, I know it’s difficult, but open yourself up and shout it. Don’t mumble, don’t say it under your breath. When you love someone, whether platonically or romantically, it deserves to be shouted from every rooftop. People need to be reminded you know?

Two.

“Goodbye”

There will be some people in your life that come in and just wreck everything. They mess up your plans, they hurt you, and make you feel less than what you are. So please learn how to say goodbye to them. But I also want you to learn how to say goodbye to even the people you want to stay; not everyone stays, and saying goodbye is like setting someone free, and it won’t always come easy, and it won’t always come without heartbreak. But not everyone stays, and it will do you a world of good to learn how to tell them goodbye.

Three.

The most important one.

“I am worth it.”

There will be waves of sorrow in your life, and you will feel as if you were the sand that the tide carries away. You will feel as if it carries away your worth. It will feel like you are the left over rubble of a building that had been burned down, and you will feel less. But please learn to say these words. Say them in the mirror when you have just woken up, say them when your lover turns their back on you, say them when you are opening up the refrigerator; sing them, yell them, whisper them, and please, believe them.

You are more than sand that can just be washed away, and you are more than just a few pieces of broken cement. Please, you are worth it :')

Let's do this together. You hold my hand, and I will hold yours. We can do this. We are worth it! :)

* Never compare your life with others. Everyone has their own story. Everyone has their own struggle. But if they can survive, why can't you? You are worth it! Remember :)

What's Up With You, Girl?

 

I wanna cat! 

I need a cat!

Been two years now since the last time I had cats :(

Assalamualaikum.

Hello, happy Thursday everyone! Hope things are fine on your side. October is really not a good month for me. Been dealing with lots of things :( Lucky I have them by my side. I almost give up. But Syukur Alhamdulillah, they gave me morale support to keep going. Life can be so tough sometimes *sigh*

I have a problem -- I think most of the girls out there having the same problem as me. I have a very low self-esteem. LIKE REALLY REALLY LOW. I don't have confidence in me. I always feel insecure. Even when I sit in my room alone, I still feel insecure. I don't know when ever I feel secured with things around me. I find this is very bad?

Back then when I was still schooling, each time my teacher asked me to go to the next class to borrow or ask anything, I will immediately feel insecure. My heart will beat fast as it will explode anytime soon. I don't like to be the center of attention. I feel like they are judging me from far. Even though they were all my friends. I still felt insecure.

I thought it was okay, until I realized it now -- it's bad. It really is BAD. Not a good thing to have in yourself. You can't survive anywhere. You need to depend on someone and you just don't trust your own body and mind. Like, how can it happen? You've been living in your own body for years and you still don't feel comfortable in your own skin. Or maybe it's the society to be blame? Or our own mindset? I seriously have no idea.

Recently, I had a very bad morale down moment. The worst I've ever had in my life. There's so much things on my plate. I became quiet and lost my bubbly side that everyone seems to have missed it too. I don't feel like laughing or even smiling. Been locking myself in room for weeks. Mr.X-Man tried to convince me that things are fine, but I don't know, I just don't feel right.

I told him that I feel insecure, and that my self-esteem has gotten even lower than before. He then told me, I am pretty in my own ways and what's matter the most is that everyone loves me for who I am. Especially him. He saw my flaws, yet he still accept me for who I am. Not only that, he is blessed to have me in his life.

I admit, that was the most beautiful things I've ever heard from someone, but it still did not change anything. I still feel insecure all the time. I feel bad for him, and for everyone else too. 

Subhan'Allah, such a breathtaking view! 

"She's nothing but just a friend" -- as he looked down and play with his phone. He convinced me so many times and yes, I trust him -- but I just don't trust anyone else, you see? The past has taught me a lot. It left me a scar. A scar saying : I survived. I trusted someone so much and they started to take it for granted. And it sucks to be cheated, you know? It gave a huge impact on me and I see things differently now.


"You are important" -- he added. Ya Allah, I know all the words that came out from his mouth are real, but I still feel insecure. It's not him. It's me. I have problems with my own self. I started to mumble around as he sighed. He told me I should not be worry about anything, and I should feel confident and secure all the time.


You know how I feel? I feel like if I don't guard the people I love, someone might steal them away for me. Tragic, isn't? To feel that way when things are perfectly fine and beautiful. And I don't even know why I felt that way in the first place. Oh well maybe its because of the past? Or maybe cause people are fake and can't be trusted? Or issit because there's too many liars nowadays? 


My self-esteem is very low. I've been working in my company now or almost 2 years, I still feel insecure whenever I meet my colleagues. The feeling is just there. Wherever I go, whatever I do, the feelings of being insecure is just there. Oh Ya Allah :(


I understand that sometimes due to my behavior, I hurt so many people around me. Especially my family and him. He was there through my ups and down, yet I always hurt me with my insecurities. What's up with me?  And never once he complain about anything. He's the most precious thing in my life now after my family. I know no matter how bad we fight, we still have our du'a for each other. InsyaAllah, I pray that he is the one for me :)


I believe, the more I pray, the more Allah will make me feel safe. Even if these diseases can't be cured, as long as I have Allah, I will be fine. Isn't? InsyaAllah. Hopefully I can change myself in few years to come. To be a better me for Allah is always with me. Amin :) :)




* Don't ever give up on me please, mr.X-man *wink

BBL -- Back, Blessed & Loved.

Assalamualaikum!!

Ya Allah, last entry on 14th July? 3 bulan dah blog ni berhabuk. Agak-agak ada ke yang menunggu entry baru dari saya? Astaghfirullahalazim, sorry. Been busy. Kerja kerja kerja. Lepastu kepala sekarang cepat pening bila tengok pc lama-lama. Sebab tu balik je kerja, terus tak tengok lappy dah. So sebab itu lah dah lama tak tulis entry. Tsk.

So again, sorry sebab lama tak tulis new entry. Ramai jugak yang tanya, kenapa dah tak menulis. So jawapan dia ada di atas ye awak-awak semua :)

Since I was away for a very long time, I decided to write a new entry today, why I've been away and how I am back now with so much love in my heart. Loved, I felt that, few weeks ago. InsyaAllah, moga apa yang saya cuba sampaikan kat entry ni, boleh buat orang ramai hargai orang-orang sekeliling dia :)

Actually, I was sick. I was admitted to General Hospital on 10th October due to some reasons and had a surgery on the next day. I did tell to only some of my friends, yang rapat-rapat je lah. Alhamdulillah, it went well. I am still sick, even now, I am still. But I managed to write this new entry, to tell everyone that I am still alive :)

This entry was actually about the two men that I love the most. Of course, my dad and the one who-still-remain-as-a-secret; mr.X. My dad was there since day 1 until I got discharged from the hospital. To see him sitting next to me, waiting for me to wake up really touched my heart. He was tired, exhausted, old, but still managed to put a smile on his face and tells me everything will be okay. I just need to selawat and pray to Allah. 

A night before I went for the surgery, my mom called and menangis teresak-esak. She couldn't accompany me at the hospital cause she had to take care of my nephew. Sedih sangat dengar esakan mak kita tu :( That night, I cried. I was so scared that the surgery could go wrong and something bad will happen to me. But that's not the case. Apa yang paling dirisaukan ialah orang-orang yang saya sayang. I don't want them to feel sad if anything happen to me. So that night, I cry myself to sleep.

The next morning, I woke up at 6, went for Subuh prayer, and wait patiently as I was the second person to go to the operation hall. Tengok katil depan, makcik tu dah takda. Dia orang pertama yang pergi ke operation hall tu. Berdebar hati ni. Nurse datang, tengok semuanya okay, dia pun beredar. Msg my sister cakap my surgery maybe around 9 lebih macam tu. And she told me dad was on his way to the hospital to see me.

Tapi tak sempat. I went to the operation hall at 9. My prediction was correct. So masa dia tolak katil tu, tak henti-henti selawat. Takut, but beranikan diri. Semuanya serah pada Allah. Kalau dah memang ajal, tak boleh nak buat apa-apa. So the nurses asked me few questions, bla bla bla. And dia cakap, diorang nak cucuk my tangan, untuk kasi drip. Sebelum tu dia bagi ubat tidur.

Lepastu the next thing yang ingat is dia bagi oxygen mask and I heard someone telling me to tarik nafas kuat-kuat. Masa tu dah memang mamai gila. Tak ingat apa. Then lelap mata balik. Bila bukak mata, dia cakap "Operation dah habis ye. Boleh balik katil sekarang". The only thing yang sempat tanya nurse tu is pukul berapa. Terkejut dia cakap pukul 1 lebih. Lama gila woi. Lepastu tertidur balik.

Sampai je katil, tak nampak sesiapa yang kenal. So I thought I was alone. Then tengah dalam kabut-kabut nurse tu transfer saya ke katil hospital tu, I saw an old me standing while smiling at me. Babah! :) Sempat balas balik senyuman bah, then kiok balik. Kejap-kejap terjaga, nampak bah tidur duduk dekat tepi. Kejut bah, suruh bah tidur atas katil, tepi saya, but he refused to. Sedih sangat tengok babah terlentok-lentok kepala dia tidur :(

Allah. Memang jasa babah ni tak dapat dibalas. Semoga Allah makbulkan doa-doa saya untuk babah and mama. Semoga mereka ditempatkan di SyurgaNya kelak dan jauhkan daripada api neraka. Amin.

"How was the operation?" as I checked my whatsapp, it was from him. "Went well, Alhamdulillah". So dia mintak maaf sebab dia tak sihat and makan ubat so pagi tadi dia tak sedar apa. Bangun-bangun je dah tengah hari, tak sempat nak bagi support dekat saya untuk kuatkan semangat. But cause I was still feeling dizzy, I said its okay and end the conversation. Tertidur balik. Siapa yang pernah operate and kena drip faham lah kot macam mana rasa dia.


I felt something heavy dekat bucu katil. So I opened my eyes. I saw him, duduk atas katil. Yes, Mr.X-Man. He was there. Smiling, altho he looks worried in his eyes. I smiled, and I saw as he wipes off his tears. Tengah mamai-mamai tu, tried to open my eyes bagi besar sikit, tapi sebab sakit, tak berjaya. Then nampak lagi dia lap air mata dia. Then I asked, "Kenapa ni?" and dia geleng-geleng kepala. Tak nak bagitahu. Then I asked again, and dia cakap "Sedih. Tengok you macam ni, sakit macam ni, I jadi sedih" as he wipes off his tears again. Alaaa, masa tu rasa macam nak nangis jugak tapi tak terdaya.


So dia pun borak-borak with bah as I continue tidur balik. Sebelum tu sempat jugak bah suap saya makan. Lapar gila. Puasa kot dari a day before tu. Then my sister came. Semua pun muka risau je tengok saya atas katil tu. Then doctor kata boleh balik haritu. Hebat tak? Operation and discharge on the same day? Power tak power tu? Only Ashikin Nofal can do that. Eceeyyhhh!


So balik lah haritu jugak. Mr.X-Man yang drive. He was there through thick and thin, how can I ask for more? I don't want anything else. Dapat dia as my husband pun cukup bersyukur lah if betul he is the one. Hoping that he is the one! InsyaAllah. Amin.


As normal, mak (his mom) bagi kata-kata semangat dekat saya. Masa tu nak nangis pun ada tapi tak boleh sebab terlalu sakit. So nangis dalam hati je yang mampu. Rehat kat rumah, ulang alik pergi hospital. Ada one day tu, tiba-tiba rasa sakit sangat so I rushed to the emergency room. Dah lah malam. Ramai gila orang. Scary. Ada yang accident lah, ada anak demam. So tunggu lah turn kat tepi tu.


Esok tu pergi hospital again with bah and mr.X-Man. Having both of them through my ups and down memang buat diri ni betul-betul bersyukur. Rasa macam I am the luckiest girl ever. Alhamdulillah. And now, I am getting better each day. Hoping that one day boleh sembuh sepenuhnya. Hehe.


Nanti saya update lagi okay blog ni. Sorry entry tak berapa best malam ni. Sejak operate ni, serious kepala tak dapat nak fikir sangat. So nak keluarkan ayat-ayat hebat tu, tak dapat lagi. Heheh but so happy that I could still write! Ingatkan bakat ni dah takda. Eceh bakat kononnnnnnn haha.


Okay thanks for reading. Night people. Assalamualaikum :D



* I am truly blessed, kan? :)

Kita; Kaum Hawa.

Assalamualaikum :)

Salam Ramadhan Al-Mubarak rakan-rakan! Wow, lamanya aku tak update blog usang ni. Mintak maaf pada yang tertunggu-tunggu (kalau ada). Ecewahhh. 

Sorry, banyak benda yang terjadi sejak aku menghilangkan diri dari dunia blogging ni. Terlalu banyak sampaikan otak aku letih untuk befikir. Letih untuk bercerita di laman sesawang ini. Letih. Cukup letih. Alhamdulillah, sempat juga aku bertemu dengan Ramadhan tahun ini. Syukur Alhamdulillah :)

Sebenarnya entry ni lama dah tersimpan dalam draft. Cuma sekarang baru jari-jemari terasa seperti ingin menari di atas keyboard ini. Ada satu petikan ni aku terbaca, lantas jari dan otak aku seakan-akan bergabung untuk mengeluarkan idea-idea entah dari mana muncul pun aku bingung. 

Petikan itu berbunyi seperti ini:

Ketika Allah menciptakan wanita,

Malaikat datang dan bertanya, “Mengapa begitu lama, Tuhan?”

Tuhan menjawab, “Sudahkah kamu lihat semua detik yang AKU ciptakan untuknya?”

"Dua tangan mesti di bersihkan, setidaknya terdiri dari 200 bahagian yang boleh di gerakan dan berfungsi baik agar dapat mengolah berbagai jenis makanan. Mampu memberikan kenyamanan bagi anak-anaknya. Mempunyai pelukan yang menyembuhkan rasa sakit hati dan kesengsaraan. Dan semuanya cukup di lakukan dengan kedua tangan ini."

Malaikat menjawab, “Hanya dengan dua tangan ini? Tetapi, Engkau membuatnya begitu halus dan lembut”.

“Ya. AKU membuatnya begitu lembut, tapi kamu belum dapat bayangkan kekuatan yang AKU berikan kepadanya agar ia dapat mengatasi banyak hal luar biasa”

“Apakah dia mampu berfikir?” Tanya Malaikat

Tuhan menjawab, “Tidak hanya berfikir, dia juga mampu berunding dan mengutarakan pendapatnya".

Malaikat itu menyentuh dadanya, “Tuhan, Engkau buat ciptaan ini kelihatan lemah dan rapuh, seolah banyak sekali beban untuknya”.

“Itu bukan kerapuhan, itu air mata. AKU berikan padanya supaya dia boleh mengekspresikan kegembiraan, kegalauan, cinta, kesepian, penderitaan, dan rasa bangga.”

“Engkau memikirkan segala sesuatunya, wanita ciptaan-Mu ini sungguh menakjubkan”

“Ya. Harus!! Wanita ini mempunyai kekuatan untuk mempersona lelaki. Dia dapat mengatasi beban hidup, mampu menyimpan kebahagiaan dan pendapatnya sendiri. Mampu tersenyum bahkan ketika hatinya menjerit. Mampu tertawa saat hatinya menangis. Dia boleh berkorban demi orang yang di kasihinya. Dia boleh melawan ketidakadilan. Dia bersorak disaat melihat temannya bahagia. Hatinya terluka saat melihat kesedihan. Dia tahu sebuah ciuman dan pelukan dapat menyembuhkan luka..

... CINTANYA TANPA SYARAT”

Malaikat sangat kagum, “Lalu apa kekurangannya?”

Tuhan menjawab, “Hanya satu hal..

.. Dia terkadang lupa betapa berharganya dia”.

Subhan'Allah ')


Ini sangat benar bukan? Wanita kerap kali terlupa betapa berharga nya dia. Betapa kuat dan indah Allah mencipta mereka. Sebaik-baiknya ciptaan yang pernah Dia ciptakan. Ya Allah, rapuhnya hati ini.


Allahu Rabbi. Hati ini sering kali berubah-ubah. Dari bahagia, sekelip mata bertukar menjadi sedih, pilu dan derita. Kenapa? Kerana Syaitan suka hinggap ketika kita di titik lemah kita. Ketika hati kita rapuh, syaitan akan hinggap dan selalunya kerana ini lah hati kita akan jadi tak tentu arah. Bila sebenarnya benda itu biasa sahaja, tapi kerana syaitan sudah hinggap, lalu benda yang kecil tu bertukar menjadi satu masalah yang kita sendiri tak tahu apa penyelesaiannya.


Memang benar, Allah ciptakan kaum hawa dengan selemah-lemahnya hati itu. Tapi walau lemah mana pun hati kami, kami mampu menangani apa jua sakit sekalipun. Itu lah Kehebatan Allah. Ada kurangnya kita, ada hebatnya kita.


Lelaki kuatnya luaran, wanita kuatnya dalaman. Tapi wanita memang sering kali lupa, betapa tingginya harga mereka itu. Walaupun kerap disakiti oleh orang yang mereka sayang, mereka masih lagi mampu untuk bersabar dan memaafkan. Kerana perasaan sayang yang tebal dalam hati itu, mereka sanggup ketepikan kesakitan dan luka-luka di hati mereka.


Memang benar, Kaum Adam tidak akan pernah faham bagaimana rasanya seorang Kaum Hawa itu menahan segala duka di dalam hati. Begitu juga Kaum Hawa, tidak akan pernah dapat memahami bagaimana seorang Kaum Adam boleh tidak faham betapa berharganya wanita itu. Dan bagaimana mereka tidak boleh menghargai kasih sayang yang datang dari seorang wanita.


Maafkan saya, saya tidak 100% menyalahkan kaum Adam. Kaum Hawa ada juga kekurangannya. Kami tahu kami ini manja, mengada, suka menangis, suka merajuk, sukakan perhatian dari kaum lelaki, kami ini suka membebel, semua perkara yang boleh buat Kaum Adam berasa rimas.


Tetapi kami perlukan pertolongan dari anda. Untuk membuatkan kami ini tersedar akan betapa berharganya kami ini. Betapa telitinya Allah mencipta kami. Kami sering leka menjaga hati orang yang kami sayang sehingga kami sendiri lupa akan pentingnya diri kami ini.


Bukan senang untuk kami telan semuanya bila kami diperlakukan seperti tidak dihargai oleh kaum Adam. Bukan sahaja dari Kaum Adam, bahkan dari kaum kami sendiri pun kami akan tetap terluka. Dan saya percaya, kaum Adam juga akan berasa terluka jika anda tidak dihargai oleh orang yang anda sayang.


Disebalik kejayaan seorang lelaki itu, ada seorang wanita yang sering beri sokongan, kata semangat dan doa-doa yang tidak pernah putus. Doa seorang wanita itu sering kali dmakbulkan oleh Allah. Dan hampir semua wanita di dunia ini memang sering mendoakan orang yang mereka sayang dan lupa untuk mendoakan untuk dirinya sekali. Jadi, hargailah mereka yang berada di dalam hidup anda wahai Kaum Adam.


Kaum Hawa, kita ni sebenarnya kuat. Kita sungguh kuat. Lebih kuat dari lelaki jika dibandingkan. Cuma selalunya, kita pilih untuk tidak menjadi kuat. Kita pilih untuk menjadi lemah. Kerana hati kita yang rapuh itu. Jika kita guna otak dan akal kita, insyaAllah kita bijak memilih mana yang lebih bagus.


Ingat, kita ini berharga wahai Kaum Hawa! Kalau kita rasa sedih ataupun rasa tidak dihargai, ingatlah betapa teliti dan pentingnya kita ini sehinggakan Allah mencipta kita dengan sebaik-baik mungkin. Alhamdulillah :)

Hasbunallah wa ni’mal wakil, ni’mal maula wa ni’man nashir :)

“Cukuplah Allah menjadi Penolong kami dan Allah adalah sebaik-baik Pelindung”

* Rapuh-rapuh hati wanita, tinggi lagi kasih sayang mereka.

 

Bersyukur.

Alhamdulillah :)

Assalamualaikum.

Ah jari terasa gatal ingin menari-nari sambil menaip entry baru. Sebenarnya otak masih penat baru pulang dari kerja, perut pun masih kosong, ingin diisi kan dengan makanan. 


Tapi, bersyukur dulu boleh? Bersyukur aku selamat pulang ke rumah. Bersyukur aku masih lagi mempunyai rumah. Bersyukur yang aku sekarang sedang baring di atas katil yang empuk. Bersyukur sahaja tanpa perlu memikirkan tentang hal-hal yang lain.

Bersyukur itu tidak susah. Bukannya Allah suruh kita panjat bangunan KLCC yang tinggi tu, tapi Allah cuma mahu kita bersyukur dengan berkata "Alhamdulillah" sahaja. Berterima kasih pada Allah. Senang kan? Tapi itu pun manusia susah nak lakukan. Mulut mungkin berat sangat ada gam? Ataupun hidung itu terlalu tinggi tak ingin berterima kasih pada Yang Memberi?

Aku ada satu tabiat di mana, aku suka duduk di satu tempat dan memerhati manusia satu persatu. Aku nampak semua kelebihan mereka; muka cantik, mata bulat, badan ramping, semua lah. Dan terdetik di hati aku; Apa kelemahan mereka? Makin lama aku berfikir, makin aku terasa rendah diri dengan diri aku sendiri. Diri sendiri punyai banyak kelemahan, ada hati ingin melihat kelemahan orang lain. Bersyukur aje lah hati.

Mungkin dia cantik di mata, mungkin kelemahan dia bukan pada luaran? Mungkin. Tapi aku bersyukur Allah bagi aku hati yang mudah tersentuh bila aku ternampak binatang-binatang yang terbiar. Aku bersyukur Allah bagi aku mulut yang tidak pernah lelah untuk memberi sedekah pada yang melihat. Aku bersyukur Allah bagi aku mata untuk melihat manusia-manusia yang aku sayang. Aku bersyukur.

Ada yang pendek, ada yang tinggi, ada yang tembam, ada yang langsing, itu semua kelebihan dan keburukan masing-masing. Apa yang ada di luaran itu semuanya tidak penting. Yang penting dalaman kita. Kalau kita dalaman cerah, suci, insyaAllah bila tiba ajal kita, sinaran iman itu akan terpancar di wajah kita. Aib kita di dunia kan Allah sudah sembunyikan dari mata orang? Buat apa kita nak buka aib kita sendiri?

Aib sendiri yang aku maksudkan ialah dengan memberi manusia-manusia bukan muhrim melihat aurat kita dengan percuma. Ataupun manusia yang merasakan mereka kurang cantik, maka mereka mula menggunakan susuk. Ataupun cara kotor yang lain. Bukankah kita tahu, hukuman di dunia itu pasti akan ada? Seksa di dunia itu pasti akan datang mencari kita. Jadi buat apa semua itu? Bersyukur lah. Bersyukur.

Begitu juga dengan teman hidup. Bila Allah sudah datangkan seseorang dalam hidup kita, maka bersyukurlah. Mungkin dia bukanlah yang terbaik yang pernah kita jumpa, tapi mungkin ada satu keistimewaan tentang dia yang tiada pada orang lain? Di mana jika kita sedang marah, lalu kita teringatkan sesuatu dan tersenyum pabila teringatkan semula?

Aku heran sebenarnya. Heran dengan telatah manusia. Bila sebelum dapat, bersungguh-sungguh dia cuba dapatkan. Berbagai-bagai cara dan usaha dia tunjukkan satu-persatu. Berdoa siang malam. Tapi bila sudah dapat, akhirnya dia yang curang di belakang kita. Susah sangat ke mahu bersyukur?

Aku pasti, "curang" itu tidak pernah wujud dalam "Cara Allah". Ini semua cara Manusia. Manusia yang mencipta istilah curang ini. Bukan Allah. Allah cuma datangkan rasa sakit dan terluka itu di hati manusia. Bukan curang, itu aku pasti. Allah cuma bagi kita Ujian, supaya kita sedar, semua benda yang kita sayang itu pasti akan buat kita terluka satu hari nanti. Kecuali satu sahaja. DIA.

Bukankah semua yang kita sayang itu adalah ujian semata-mata untuk kita? Untuk kita faham bahawa semua ini sementara. Dunia ini hanyalah sementara. Di akhirat kelak, itu lah hidup kita buat selamanya. Di mana bakal kita berada itu semua terpulang pada amalan kita. Baik di Syurga, mahupun di Neraka Jahanam.


Cuma aku musykil, kenapa manusia jarang bersyukur bila Allah sudah makbulkan doa-doa kita? Mengapa kita ambil mudah tentang semua perkara? Mengapa kita tidak boleh berpuas hati dengan apa yang Allah telah berikan kepada kita? Mengapa kita sendiri yang perlu melukakan hati kita sendiri dengan meninggalkan benda yang dahulunya menjadi sesuatu yang penting buat kita?


Mohon fikir sejenak. Kenapa kita berbuat demikian? Kerana hati kita kotor. Hati kita penuh dengan rasa tidak puas hati. Penuh dengan rasa mahukan yang lebih dari apa yang kita ada sekarang. Hati kita keji, jijik, ingin yang terbaik sahaja. Sehinggakan kita buta dengan semua benda yang hanyalah datang buat sementara.

Aku mohon pada semua manusia, mohon bersyukur dengan setiap perkara yang kita sedang genggam buat masa sekarang. Bersyukur walaupun benda itu bukan lah yang terbaik buat kita. Bersyukur lah selagi ia menjadi milik kita. Kerana kita semua tahu, tiada satu pun yang akan kekal di dunia ini. Walau seribu usaha kita, pasti Allah akan menariknya semula dari kita.

Jangan terlalu sombong untuk bersyukur, biarpun kita hanya mampu beli air sirap, tetapi orang lain mampu beli Coffee Bean, kita kereta kancil, orang lain kereta Audi, kita hanya mampu makan nasi lemak seringgit, orang lain mampu makan lamb chop berpuluh2 ringgit harganya, kita hanya mampu memakai kasut yang sudah koyak, orang lain mampu pakai kasut beribu-ribu harganya.

Biarpun orang lain sedang bercinta tetapi kita keseorangan, bersyukur lah. Bukan susah. Ucaplah Alhamdulillah. Cuba lihat dari mata hati. Mungkin Allah tidak mahu hati kita terluka dengan cinta dunia yang fana. Mungkin DIA mahu kita menerima orang yang benar-benar buat kita tanpa menghantar orang-orang yang salah sebelum yang benar. Bersyukur lah. 

Cuba bersyukur walau apa jua sekalipun. Bila kita ditindas, bersyukurlah kerana kita tahu Allah sedang uji kita. DIA uji kerana DIA sayang. Bila kita sedih, terluka, bersyukurlah kerana kita tahu Allah sedang memberitahu kita bahawa ini semua derita yang kita dapat pabila kita mengharapkan sesuatu daripada manusia. Bila kita menangis, bersyukurlah kerana akhirnya Allah berjaya membuatkan kita sedar bahawa kita hanya perlukan Allah Yang Satu.

Mereka bertanya kepadaku: “Apa khabar?” 

Lantas kujawab: “Alhamdulillah.” 

Maka mereka menyangka bahawa aku sedang dalam kegembiraan. Mereka lupa bahawa kita bersyukur kepada Allah semasa gembira dan dukacita. 

Alhamdulillah ketika kita bersedih, alhamdulillah ketika dunia menghimpit kita, alhamdulillah ketika kita ceria, alhamdulillah ketika kita sakit, alhamdulillah ketika kita redha dengan ketentuan, alhamdulillah ketika kita selesa.  

Alhamdulillah dalam setiap hal dan keadaan :') 

Jangan mencari yang lebih baik apabila kita sudah bertemu dengan yang baik. Kerana apabila kita meninggalkan yang baik untuk yang lebih baik, dan bila kita tersedar bahawa yang baik itu lebih elok, yang baik itu telah bertemu dengan yang lebih baik lagi daripada kita. 


Cuba duduk sejenak di satu tempat, kira berapa ramai yang telah pergi meninggalkan kita walaupun kita sudah berikan segalanya? Ramai. Terlalu ramai. Jadi, bersyukurlah dengan apa yang kita ada sekarang. Mungkin esok lusa, kita bakal kehilangan mereka daripada pandangan mata kita. 


Maka aku mohon pada semua orang, bersyukur lah. Mohon tabah menghadapi segalanya sambil bersyukur di dalam lubuk hati. Kerana yang penting, kita tetap ada Allah S.W.T! :) 




* Jika kita merasakan hubungan kita dengan Allah semakin jauh, maka fikirlah sejenak, siapa yang menjauhkan diri? Bersyukurlah wahai manusia kerana Allah tidak pernah meninggalkan kita seperti manusia lain :')