It all comes to the last person you think of at night.
That's where your heart is.
When you miss someone,
What will you do? Do you cry yourself to sleep? Or do you let the person know right away? Or you just do nothing about it? And hiding it inside your heart?
If you ask me, then my first answer would be - I'll pretty much just do nothing about it. And try to get rid of that feelings out from my heart so that I won't be suffer alone for having such a burden unspoken feelings inside.
And if it doesn't succeed, then the next day I would try to make myself busy with other things such as play with my baby nephew, helping my mom doing house chores, hanging out with my friends, or just .. online. Yeap, make myself busy surfing the internet. Pffhht :)
And if it doesn't work out either, then I will start lying to myself telling that everything will be okay and this feelings will go away soon. That I don't have to be sad for keeping it inside because it's too painful to say it to the person whom I miss, and get no response.
And after few days and if the feelings is still inside my heart, then the next thing I will do is I will start to pray to Allah. Seek for His help to give me strength to cope with the feelings that I have to deal with every minute and every day.
I know that HE listens, from the beginning of the feelings starts to stay in my heart, and I know that HE will make me feel better. HE just want me to talk to Him. Allah knows best :)
And if it gets to the point where I feel so weak even though after talking to Allah, then the last thing that I will do is I will cry myself out to Allah. After tired of being strong.
Begging Him to get rid of this unimportant feelings that got stuck in my heart. Begging Him to make me forget about everything else and start to focus on Him only. Begging Him to make me strong to swallow everything that I have to deal with for the rest of my life; For His sake. And begging Him .. just begging Him :')
Yes, I don't normally go and tell the person about how I feel. I rather keep it inside. Well what else to do beside that? I'm good at keeping it inside. I keep A LOT inside. A lot. You have no idea.
I know that Allah has plans for me. Better that mine. So I guess being ego sometimes will save your heart from being hurt. After all, sometimes crying is good. We can't always find the right words to tell someone about your feelings. Sometimes keep it to yourself is much better when you know people will always listen to what you say, but they will never understand your pain.
"Hi 546, I miss you" - I wish I have the guts to text you telling you how I feel. But I just don't want to annoy you. If you can do this, I can do so much better than you :') So instead of telling you, I'd tell Allah.
Friend : Sayang, when you feel sad, beside than praying to Allah, what else did you normally do?
Me : .. I cry.
Crying myself to sleep; so that the next morning I will wake up with a smile on my face. And leave everything to Allah. Because I know, somewhere somehow, Allah will 'tell' the person about how I feel. About my pain, about my secrets that only Allah knows :)
"Luahkan segalanya di tikar sejadah. Allah itu adalah Pendengar yang paling setia :')"
* Sometimes you can't tell anybody how you really feel, because you can't find the right words to make them understand.