Al-Fatihah.

Assalamualaikum.


MasyaAllah! It has been almost one year since the last time I wrote. I am so sorry, there's a lot of stuff happening and I've been so freaking busy and and .. I forgot about this blog :'(


How are you guys been doing? I bet a lot of people does not bother to read my entries anymore, tsk tsk. Well, it is my own fault though! I hope you are doing fantastic people.

Herm. How do I start with this entry? It's awkward cause I used to write but not anymore and now I am trying to write back. I love writing. I should continue doing what I love, shouldn't I? Please bear with me as I am still trying to work this things off. Huuuuu.

Bismillah.

For those who are close to me, y'all know that recently I've lost my dad. He passed away on February 24th, 2014. That was my biggest loss in my entire life. I was the closest one to him. Losing him was not easy. I fell, to be honest. Took me months for me to stood up back. To be frank, I am still not over it. But I know, I gotta let him go. He is in a better place right now.

How did that happen? Well, grab a chair and keep reading this entry. Let see whether am I able to write this entry without tears rolling down on my face or not :'P

That morning, after finished perform my Subuh prayer -- as per normal I got ready to go to work. While adjusting my hijab, I saw my dad sitting on the sofa checking on his phone. Ah, I forgot. He had some meetings to attend that morning so that's why he changed his shift from night to morning.

Me : Bah nak pergi dah ke?

Bah : Ya, I am waiting for my taxi. Kin?

Me : Kin kejap lagi. 6.15 macam tu.

Bah : Oh okay.

Seconds after that I saw my dad walking towards our balcony and grab his shoes.

Me : Eh Bah, awalnya? Tadi kata tunggu taxi? Kan lambat lagi taxi nak sampai?

Bah : Takpa lah, bah can wait. Boleh borak dengan Abang Man (Abang Man was our guard back then)

Me : La awalnya. Apa lah Bah ni, tunggu lah kat rumah. - While walking towards him, I mumbled. 

Bah : *Giggles* Takpa takpa. Kejap ja pun.

After I kissed his hands, I went back inside and continue doing what I was doing just now. And before he left, his last words to me was "Take care, Assalamualaikum". I didn't know that was the last time I am gonna see him .. :'(

That morning when I was in the office, I felt one kind. I told someone I don't feel good. I've never felt this way before. As normal, people will say "Nah, that was just your feelings. Everything is fine". Turned out this time, It was not.

That evening, I fell asleep ( this is not normal. I don't sleep at evenings ) and the next thing I heard was my mom knocking on my door asking me to wake up. And I heard my sister was screaming at the back "Kin, bah collapsed!" I was still in a blurry + sleepy state but I know that was real. I woke up and straight away took my bath. I cried. I know something is not right today. I cried and cried. Mom asked me to stop crying. She said it's not good for me to cry as we still don't know what is going to happen. Deep inside, I know I've lost him.

7+ we went to GH. My sister and I were crying in the car, trying to control our emotions but we both know we can't. We reached the hospital somewhere around 7.40pm. There he was, I saw my father lying on the bed - helpless. The nurses and doctor did try their best to save him, but Allah knows what is best for him. Indeed. He left peacefully. Everything went smooth for arwah. Alhamdulillah :)

Not only my dad, I lost so many people in my life this year. Before my dad, it was my grandfather who left the world first. And now, recently, I've lost someone else. It is to be honest, the most painful year for me to swallow. But Allah is The Best Planner of all. I trust in Him.

You-know-who-you-are, you used to say you will never leave me. You promised me. But surprisingly, you did. You left me and I hope you will be fine, my friend. Thank you for always been there for me. You're the greatest gift I've ever had - after my family of course. And boo to myself. I actually thought you cared :)

So peeps, this is just 20% of what happened to me for the past 11 months. There's ups and down, but more to down I guess. But Alhamdulillah, I have people around to give me support. I hope while reading this entry you could spend a minute or two to sadakah Al-Fatihah for my late father and grandfather. And not to forget, Al-Fatihah to my heart for having such heavy pain to bear with.

Don't worry. I am strong. As long as I have Allah in my life, I'm pretty sure that I can survive this road! We aim for Jannah, so whatever happens in this horrible dunya, just bear with it. Trust in Him, and you will be fine :)

Al-Fatihah, dearie heart. I am proud of how strong you are :)

Pops, I miss you so much. You're the most priceless thing I've ever had. I know you are happy now. I know you are proud of your youngest daughter and how tough she is facing all this pain alone, right? If only I could buy a golden ticket to pay you a visit each time I miss your kisses and your smiles, oh I wish. Only God knows how much I need you right now. Rest in peace pops. See you real soon :)

His birthday was actually on 19/03 - Did not managed to celebrate this year.

Love you pops.

Appreciate your loved ones before it's too late. Grab all the moments that you can share with them. You never know when is the last time you will see a person. Cherish every moment. Put down your ego and just appreciate everyone. It does not cost a thing.

And I promise you, I will start writing back! Hikhik :D

* I actually managed to write this entry without shed any tears. So yay to myself! Al-fatihah.