I'm Running Out Of Space To Hide My Feelings.

When you break someone's heart, you break your own.

Assalamualaikum.

Tonight I'm feeling a bit blue. Yes, my expectation is very high. I expect too much. I hope too much. And that too much, hurts me so much. Everyone knows that expectation leads to disappointment. And everyone knows that nothing stay the same. Everything will change, eventually.

People change, situation change, feelings change. Everything. I know soulmates are Allah's secret. And I really hope that he is my other half. But I know that I can't hope too much for that if Allah's plans prove otherwise, I'm just gonna have a really big heartache.

My insecurities are killing me. Pretending that nothing hurts at all - That's what hurts the most. I tried my best not to care, at all. But I failed, every single time. People told me, it's better to keep to yourself when you miss someone rather than you go and tell the person and get nothing in return. But honestly, I'd prefer to get nothing in return than to hide my feelings for that I am afraid that I will never get the chance again.

Ego - I'm learning to be ego every single day, and sometimes it works. But sometimes I just couldn't take it anymore. Why do we need to be ego since we only live once? I know being ego is the only way for us to protect our heart. But.. Does it need to be all the time?

Sometimes people want you to speak with words, too. As much as action speaks louder than words, sometimes actions confused people. We need words, too. Ya know? :')

And do you have any idea what hurts the most? The seconds in the morning where you’ve just woken up and for those precious seconds you’ve forgotten the reasons why you’re unhappy; the reasons you’re so broken and then it hits you again, like a stab to the heart and you remember all the reasons you didn’t want to wake up. Yeah, that hurts. Oh Ya Allah, please give me strength.

Being ego all the time won't make you look cool. Being ego almost all the time won't make you look powerful for hiding your feelings. We only live once, put aside your ego, and start learning to speak your heart out. Before HE removes everything around you.

Friends, start doing something to make people know that you will always love them no matter what happen. Because people forgets. We need to be reminded and to be told by people almost every single day that they love us while we're still alive. And after all, it's not that hard to let people know that you love them :)

Don't make yourself regret later. Just please, don't :')

Until then, Assalamualaikum.

* 546, I just want you to know, that if today is the final day of my existence and brief, and I could only see one more person, it would be you. Because nothing makes me happier and nothing makes me sadder than you.