Thursday, July 2, 2009

My life flashes before me . .

I told you,
I have good friends around me.
We don't just talk bull.
We always remind each other of the miracles of life.
I am always seen as a never give up person.
Even if it turns out very bad.

How can I give up when I have so many loving friends around me?

I know I am just being a drama queen now but what if tomorrow never come?
For me?

What if this is my last note?
What if this is my last 24hrs?
I would be scared shit.
Should I cry my heart out or should I go out and dance in the rain?
Do things I have never done before?
Call those people I love the most,
Tell them how much they mean to me?
Go out to Pavillion/Curve and queuing to watch the latest movies and watching it while having my last popcorn treat?
Oh where can I get popcorn at this hour?!

What about all those trips I have always dreamed of?
I have never been to Japan, nor Disneyland or Disney World!
And what about Sipadan and swimming with the dolphins and turtles? :(
And my babies,
My "unborn" babies with my unknown husband.
Oh this is sad, now I feel like crying.
How can a person so lovely like me ( HAHA! ) could not have my own babies?
All those names I have chosen for them! Sobs.

I will not be able to see my moms face anymore.
Okay, can I cry now?
And my dad, sigh.
He is a gem of a man.
I don't think I have ever met anyone so gentleman and kind like my daddy.
Even though I have failed him sometimes, with my studies, my life and everything,
He is always proud of me.
I know this because he always tell me this. *Bawling*
My sisters, there will be no more bitch fights and name-calling.
I have always been the "gangster" one even though I am the youngest one and I am not pampered at all like other people - referring to all the youngest child in the family.
I will miss them dearly and hope they will end up as wise people.
And what about my friends?
My bfs, my super gfs?
They've been there all the time and support me when I'm down.
Aaaahhh, this is so not good.

Now let me close my eyes for a while . .

I remember a person whom I loved so much,
Kissing my face so tenderly before he left for college.

I remember a smell of someone so close to me and I am so sad I wont be smelling him anymore.
I remember all the fights my exes and I had for the past 8 years,
A perfect example of love and hate relationship.
To this particular person,
You will always be in my heart.
Even though how bad you hurt me.

I will not be here tomorrow to talk to my fave girl/guys.
No fave food outings.
No shopping with great friends.
No watching movies.
No fooling around with my fave people.
No nothing.
I am so scared of dying.
There's just so much I want to do and say.
And its really sad that I don't have much time.

All these people,
All of you,
You will mourn for a while and you will move on.
You will forget about me in a month or two.
But I wonder if all of you really know,
That when I close my eyes for the last time,
I carry all of you with me.
To the grave,
To eternity.



- Now I'm scared to close my eyes and sleep.
Can at least someone call me and remind me that they love me?
Even though it's not true?

. . .

7 Heart(s) Screaming.:

Mar said...

ieeko! knpa ni? :(mut

Ieeko. said...

Nothing Mar, I'm okay :)

tan TEN ton :D said...

sayangggg, why? isks. jgn macam nie. :(

milkysunshine said...

mcm sedihje,,ade probke?

Ieeko. said...

I'm fine, as usual :)

cik neny Lahh :) said...

baby ieeko, i pon dok t'pk mnde yg same la lately.. Sobs :"( It hurts kan?

Ieeko. said...

Yeah, it does.


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